A different kind of Christmas

at 7:25 AM

I don't think that's it's any mistake that I find myself alone these last two weeks of the year with just my Savior. The boys for the first time ever are with their father for the whole Christmas break and Justin was unable to come home. Dad is in the nursing home and so it has just been my mom and I. No Christmas tree, we had the present exchange on the 18th before the boys left, no other family. Here's the amazing thing, I haven't cried or been upset at all. For those who know me that's huge because I LOVE to play the victim and feel sorry for myself like I just have it so much worse or been hurt so much more than anyone. (one great thing God has shown me this year)

So I have been able to spend mornings in His word, been able to continue in this wonderful book I’m reading on the book of Acts and Paul. I have spent a lot of time at the nursing home not only with dad but the others residents. Today I am going to call Christmas bingo. It’s such a treat because every time I go I have to reintroduce myself. It’s like that movie 50 first dates. It’s actually so much fun. The wonderful thing about my dad is that while he has lost everything the one thing that has remained is his love of the Savior. He can’t talk, or really communicate, doesn’t understand when you ask him to stand or anything but he smiles all day and just whistles The Old Rugged Cross and Amazing Grace. The sweetness of his testimony is more than I can stand. While stripped of all, Christ still remains. Lord, let that be my testimony!!!!

As for me, it has been an unbelievable year. God has revealed so much sin in my life, so many areas that I don’t focus on Him. It has probably been the most painful year of my life and yet the most productive. What I seem to have walked away with most is His glory. That He wants to be glorified in all my life, that no matter what my past He will use it and be glorified in it. That most of my hope was in this world not in Him. He is at work in my life!! My father is always at work. I want to focus this next year on working with him. I find myself as I get weak and start to head back into the past in a negative way to play this little game with myself of trying to name all the names of God. It fills my mind and keeps it busy and it’s fun really. Prince of Peace, Great Redeemer, Light of the World, Beginning and End. I can’t tell you how many nights I have fallen asleep doing this.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. Philippians 4:13 (MSG)

‎”Jesus is Emmanuel, so there is never a situation, location or experience where you are left to yourself." Paul Tripp

‎"You were not wired to live an independent, self-sufficient life, but to live in restful dependence on a God of power and grace." Paul Tripp
I have hope.